Pursuit of Happy-ness: Part III
Friendships, Social Fitness, and it's impact on Longevity
Investors have been waiting for a recession since 2023, which never showed up. But a different one has definitely landed on all our shores and has detailed plans to conquer all territory: the 'Friendship Recession.' It's a painful but invisible disease that would adversely affect the quality of one's life and lifespan, too.
Let me share some startling facts that force me to make the previous statement:
A 2010 meta-analysis of 148 studies involving 300,000 participants solidified the connection between relationships and health. People with the fewest social ties had a 50% higher mortality rate than people who had the most social ties—50%! So, strong social ties may literally prolong your life.
According to the US Census Bureau’s American Time Use Survey, between 2010 and 2013, the average American spent about 6 1/2 hours a week with friends. That started to change in 2014 when we began spending less time with each other. As of 2021, we’re clocking in a little under three hours a week.
20 percent of single men now say they don’t have any close friends. It’s not just men, though. A 2019 survey found that 30 percent of millennials of both sexes said they are always or often lonely, and 27 percent said they have no close friends.
In their book “The Social Brain: The Psychology of Successful Groups,” Oxford psychologist Robin Dunbar and his coauthors report that the number and quality of your friendships have a larger effect on your health than your weight, how much exercise you do, what you eat, and the quality of the air you breathe. They go on to write, “By far the biggest medical surprise of the past decade has been the extraordinary number of studies showing that the single best predictor of health and wellbeing is simply the number and quality of close friendships you have.”
A 2023 meta-analysis of 90 studies confirmed that both loneliness (the subjective feeling of not having enough social connections) and social isolation (the objective reality of lacking social connections) negatively impact physical and mental health.
If friendships and social connections play a vital role in one's life, then they would naturally be on people's priority list. But it isn't because time constraints make friends drift away, especially when success and money become the top two priorities that occupy one's mind.
Who is to blame if capitalist society showers all respect and adulation mainly on those with the dough and a lifestyle to be envied?
I had an interesting conversation with a colleague yesterday. He mentioned that he ended up living in a plush neighborhood during his stay in London because everyone around him did so. He couldn't fathom staying anywhere else because it would be frowned upon.
Another friend of mine from DIFC mentioned once that many conversations revolve around displaying the number of trophies you have won, i.e., the houses you own, the cars in your garage, the next exotic destination on your cards, and so on.
In surroundings where success is being measured constantly, it is no wonder that every waking hour of yours will go into making moves that bring economic gains. But this pursuit has a painful tradeoff, i.e., spending time with friends or making new friends comes across as a waste of time.
Additionally, many have built an addiction to watching TV at home for hours under the narrative that they deserve some free time after a hard day's labor. But this story and this consequence are also a direct result of mental fatigue and burnout that comes from chasing money and success at all times.
Friendships almost always take a backseat.
Hence, Zurich Insurance found in one of its studies that 67% of people die in the first ten years after retirement. Was loneliness or social isolation to blame for this disastrous outcome for retirees?
I believe it was.
The second-order consequence of spending less time on friendships has been weakening the muscles needed to converse with strangers, make connections, build relationships, and establish friendships.
A perverse thought has impregnated many minds today: "Making friends was easier in teens, but it's extremely difficult in adulthood."
The truth is that we have lost the muscles to build connections that we once had, e.g., my dear friend Ravi, who lives in Australia, was once just working out in the gym on the same machine for one hour; I didn't know him then. But I was concerned as he might have just burst his chest open on that machine on that day :)
So I approached him and suggested a few other exercises for building his chest, and he willingly listened. We met again a few times, went out for a snack post-workout, and repeated that a few more times until we realized that we had become best buddies. And we have been friends for over 25 years now.
I have been applying the same muscles even today. My friend Ayaz, who is a huge supporter of my content and my biggest well-wisher, used to be my line manager once. He loved playing snooker, and so did I. We went to Dubai Snooker Club once to play together and then went again. It became a habit until it became our most sought-after weekend activity.
Now, we meet at 10 a.m. every Saturday, and we don't even need to confirm with each other because we both know that the other will be there. Our common love for Snooker has turned into a beautiful friendship that I deeply cherish.
A widely cited study found that it takes about 50 hours of socializing to go from acquaintance to casual friendship and 200 hours to become close friends.
This underscores just how wasteful it is to let our friendships decay and be turned into nothing but a faint memory. It’s only wise to build upon our friendships and keep nurturing them, especially when all it takes is a simple message or a conversation every now and then.
Decades of research suggest that it is nearly impossible to be happy without close social ties. Friendship, in fact, accounts for about 60 percent of the difference in happiness between people, even for introverts.
What can we do?
Volunteer
Take a walk
Take up a new interest
Join a faith community
Attend community events
Reconnect with old friends
Extend and accept invitations
Introducing yourself to neighbors
Make time to connect with family members
Say "hi" to strangers in the elevator (avoid the creepy ones ;)
Stay in touch with people with whom you've worked or studied with
Reach out to people you've enjoyed chatting with at social gatherings
If anyone stands out in your memory as someone you'd like to know better, reach out
“Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.”
Beautiful friendships lurk in the recesses of your daily grind.
Pause to break bread with friends, slow down to catch up on people, or detour to engage with someone who energizes you.
You will be amazed at the long-term effects of doing so day after day. Not only will it add vitality and joy to your life, but it will also gift you a life surrounded by lovely souls at all times!
Wishing you all a fantastic weekend ahead🍹
Sending you loads of love and luck from Dubai 🧿
Manish