"How Can I Help?" is the most effective question for building enduring relationships.
Try it out for a month, and you will understand its magic too.
"Given total privacy and a cloak of invisibility, many people become coarse. They do selfish things—things that they would never do if a friend (or a video camera) were watching." - Seth Godin
It's not amoral, it's just biological.
It's how our minds have been built and there is no running away from it. It seeks preservation at all times and hence will steer towards selfishness, even if it comes at the cost of others.
If you'd like to vividly experience this selfish trait in all of us, try to observe your thoughts in meetings/conversations/parties. A few of your thoughts are shared below
"I hope I'm looking good"
"Nobody understands me. Everyone needs spoonfeeding"
"I want to ask a smart question, instead of a stupid question"
"I don't know what's wrong with people and why they are so lazy"
"I'm worried about the expectations from me but let me bluff that it's doable"
This is what your mind's commitment to self-preservation looks like. It's focused on survival, it's judgmental about others, it wants to move from one task to another, and it's in a rush almost always.
This mindset can get things done, but it's a guaranteed pathway to burnout and feeling empty, even if you achieve a lot of conventional symbols of success i.e. accolades and money.
An antidote to this self-obsessed way of life would be to understand that everyone seeks preservation (Everyone) and to be thoughtful about taking time out to help them in that pursuit.
How can you possibly use your time, network, skills, and money to make things happen for others? I ask this question to myself every day. I even have a reminder on my calendar at 8 am that reads 'Start your day by helping someone'.
They need help but they want to look good in front of you and hence they won't tell you that they need help. But if you are mindful of others and observant enough, you can see that they need help. Sometimes I need it too but I don't care what others think of me, so I am shameless about asking for help. Many are not.
All it takes is asking "How can I help?"
It's a beautiful question. It opens up the space for communication, it makes the other person feel safe and secure to ask for help, and it allows you to make a difference in your small meaningful way.
This one question makes the world a better place to live in for someone.
Done over several years, you will create an impact that will last beyond your lifetime.
The soul that is impure, sordid, and selfish is gravitating with unerring precision toward misfortune and catastrophe; the soul that is pure, unselfish, and noble is gravitating with equal precision toward happiness and prosperity.” - James Allen
"How Can I Help?"
Try it out for yourself and let me know about your experience !!
I’m back and will be posting weekly on Substack. My posts will vary between short-form essays that I consistently post on Twitter & Linkedin, and long-form essays occasionally when inspiration strikes to dive deep into a subject.
I thank you for the many messages and emails enquiring about my absence and would like to clarify that I have been experimenting with writing styles, formats, and platforms in the last 1 month. My observations are as follows -
Readers prefer short-form content instead of long-form
Attention Spans have shortened drastically, and it calls for a change of writing style on my part
I need to provide a glimpse into my piece by getting my title right, or I will lose the attention of the reader and the opportunity to make a difference
The last 30 days were intense and have allowed me to sharpen my game.
I look forward to writing for a long time to come and making an impact in a more meaningful manner in the days ahead.
Wishing you all a fantastic deah ahead 🤝
Sending you loads of love and luck 🧿
Manish