Beware of the Self-serving Bias whispering in your ears that "You are better than everyone else"
It's a lie. Don't buy it.
"Good decisions require the careful application of logic, data, and doubt. Together, these provide some protection against the many corrupting influences on our ways of thinking and making choices." - Shane Parish
I want to elaborate on the doubt part in case you have already steered towards thinking that others lack principles or integrity and, hence, should be doubted.
It rather hints at doubting yourself, your own stories, biases, and narratives. We all suffer from a tendency called self-serving bias, where we attribute our triumphs to our abilities and our failures to others' negligence.
This cognitive bias causes you to take 100% credit for your wins and find excuses or people to blame for all the losses. This tendency plays out in all your personal and professional domains in subtle ways -
Work and Career:
When a project is successful or you earn a promotion, you might attribute this success to your hard work and intelligence alone.
If the opposite happens, i.e., promotion gets turned down or delayed, you might blame external factors such as arrogant clients, uncooperative team members, insufficient resources, or an unsupportive line manager.
This bias does a fantastic job of protecting your self-image and pampering your ego by overestimating your abilities and turning a blind eye toward areas for improvement, potentially hindering your professional growth.
In moments of adversity that are guaranteed to come, you could have two different lines of thought, i.e.
“I am better than others”—you could hold on to this forever, which will turn you bitter inside, and it will show in your work and demeanor. As is in, so is out. You are naive if you think your negative energy doesn’t show on your face. It does. Please wake up and smell the coffee.
“I need to become deserving of the promotion.” — You could look at your adversity as an invitation to shape up and shine as bright as possible. I remember my mentor in Landmark Form always quoting, “When the sun shines, the world knows; it doesn’t need to make an announcement.”
Option 1 is self-serving, and option 2 is self-development.
Option 1 is a lazy choice, while option 2 is a hard choice.
It’s up to you what you choose !!
Education:
If you get good grades in competitive exams, you may credit your intelligence and study habits alone.
If the grades are poor, you might blame the tutor, the difficulty of the exam, or personal issues unrelated to your study habits.
This can impact your learning as you may not accurately assess your strengths and weaknesses, affecting future performance. Without self-assessment, you are flying blind and will certainly crash land.
In addition, self-assessment requires humility to ask difficult questions of yourself -
Where am I lacking?
Why am I not focused enough?
What changes do I need to make?
What are the consequences of slacking at this?
Without humility and self-accountability, you will shy away from working on yourself and hope the world will fall into place by itself. It never did, and it never will.
Personal Relationships:
In a conflict, you might regard yourself as reasonable and just while viewing the other person as irrational or unfair.
This can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts, as both parties may feel they are right and the other is wrong.
Self-serving bias can destroy relationships when you get stuck in a battle to avoid harm to your ego. It’s a biological defense and instinctive, which requires you to separate from the situation and think rationally. If you don’t, you might end up saying or doing something in the heat of the moment that could cause irreparable damage.
How about figuring out what makes the other person think the way he thinks –
1. What’s driving him in that direction?
2. What could be a win-win for both?
3. Are you missing out on something the other person is clued in?
Life:
Many times, things will happen outside your control, such as accidents, recessions, betrayals, and technological changes. In these testing times, you will have genuine reasons or excuses for failures and setbacks.
You have every right to bring them up again and again in conversations, but does that help you move towards your goals or away from the hole you are in?
If not, you're wasting time by avoiding responsibility and protecting your ego by not owning it up. You will be better off just saying, “It’s my ship, and I will steer it out of the storm, come what may,” and get going with what needs to be done today.
And when this attitude is in play day in and day out, your ship will have traveled miles, creating cherishable memories for you and your loved ones and inspiring thousands along the way.
As Jeff Bezos once said, "Complaining is not a strategy. You have to work with the world as you find it, not as you would have it be."
Next time when the devil whispers that you're better than everyone else, do thank him for his unsolicited opinion and tell him, "Thank You, but I can do better"
Wishing you all a fantastic week ahead.
Sending you loads of love and luck🧿
Manish